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I get the frustration and shared a similar wtf moment when I needed my SR towed due to a dead battery a couple of months back.
The tow truck driver wanted to just hook into the frame and yank it up on the flat bed. That would have caused more issues down the road, if not immediately.
I tried...
I got my first oil change ~7150 miles when the computer oil % gauge was at 23%. No towing and a 60/40 mix of city/highway driving with the proper break-in procedure the manual calls for. I performed an oil analysis through Fluidlife pre-oil change (attached).
Results from the oil change was...
My SR V8 window sticker has a date of 0328 without any deletions.
FWIW the build was completed ~03/01 and was awaiting the black side steps at the body vendor for a few weeks.
I noticed today that on the Jeep build tool the eLSD delete is now an "option" to select. I still don't know why anyone would voluntarily select the deletion for a $400 credit.